Several months ago, I was at an event in which invited guests were encouraged to add something to a vision board. With little thought, I wrote:
Abundant love, smooth transitions and graceful exits.
At the time, my thoughts and intentions revolved around my parents. I hoped that as my dad’s dementia took hold, they would both:
- Feel abundantly loved by those around them
- Transition smoothly through each phase of the illness
- Deal gracefully with his continued “exits” from daily routines
Months later, I was confronted with the vision board and my note. And while my parents’ situation still applied, I was dumbfounded by the applicability of those same intentions to my own life.
You see this past fall, my husband of almost 19 years and I split up. It was not a surprise for either one of us, but it was still a shock to change how we had lived for so long. While the connections between us had waned, there was still comfort in knowing that we could count on each other for the important stuff. We thought we were committed to staying together.
And yet, just a few days after we decided to split, I found myself in front of that same vision board. It was surreal to be reintroduced to those 7 words again.
Abundant love, smooth transitions and graceful exits.
The wishes that I posted on my parents’ behalf now applied to my husband, our daughter and me. I found myself saying them over and over again, a mantra to help ease the pain, disappointment and melancholy.
Whether it was the mantra or just a keen desire not to self-destruct, I’ve been very fortunate to surround myself with supportive, loving family members and friends, who have helped make the transitions smooth and the exits graceful. My only hope that I’ve been able to pay it forward to my daughter and soon-to-be-ex.
What was your best coping mechanism when your marriage or relationship ended? Did you invoke a mantra? I’d love to know! Thanks!
